I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
