ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
