i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
