Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
My dick has a subreddit
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
