and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
