nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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