Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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