But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
We don't watch enough power rangers
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
