Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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