So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
