I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
