I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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