is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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