New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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