im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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