she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
