it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
