Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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