On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
