i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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