so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
