She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
