well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
