saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
