Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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