3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Randomize
