yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
