Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
