if you like me you must not know who I am
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
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