Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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