Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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