So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
