So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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