2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
