...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
