Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
