is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
