Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
