Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I need moral support for this bender
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
