i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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