they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Randomize
