I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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