I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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