it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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