a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
