why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
