I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
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