There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
