im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
