don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
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