I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
We talked him into tasing himself.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
