I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
