I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
