Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
