She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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