so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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