i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
it's like iHOP with fire
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
