Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
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I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
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THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
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