I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
