well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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