You just made me feel so damn special
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
