Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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