i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Randomize
