Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
